How to seduce a man you have been with for a long time

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  • Relationship in a rut? No couple’s sex life stays the same as it was in the early days, but that doesn’t mean it has to fizzle out completely.

    Want to spice things up again? It doesn’t have to be hard. The easiest way to seduce a man could be as simple as introducing a sex toy into the bedroom or trying one of the best vibrators to use with your partner. 

    “Using sex toys can be a great way for a woman to seduce her partner,” says sexual wellness expert Megwyn White, who works with the innovative sex-toy brand Satisfyer. “A toy creates a bridge to new parts of the body. It can also spark a creative connection that allows you both to try out new things.” 

    But that’s not the only way to seduce a man. There are some other easy tricks to help.

    How to seduce a man

    “Seduction is about more than pumping out Barry White and wearing stockings – although those things can help,” says Sammi Cole, sex and relationship expert at sexual wellness brand Lovehoney. “To seduce a man, you have to make the thought of sex with you the most appealing thing in the world. And, when you’ve been with someone for a long time, that means reminding them of how much you still desire them. Plus, what it is about you that they fell in love with.” 

    Want to give it a try? Following these rules could transform you from his significant other to his seductress in seconds.

    To seduce a man you need to become a detective

    First rule of seduction? In the words of the Spice Girls, you have to know what your partner wants – what they really, really want. Often worry that your partner never opens up enough about how he really feels about things in the bedroom? “Seduction has to do with guiding someone into what they secretly wish they could give themselves,” says Megwyn. “You have to be a bit of a detective to figure out what this is. And then figure out how you can bring their fantasies to life.” 

    And if your partner is still reluctant to open up? Don’t rush them. When it comes to seducing a man, any type of pressure or pushy behaviour could actually do more harm than good. “It can take patience to seduce someone,” says Megwyn. “Create a space for communication and if what you’re trying doesn’t work, then try it a new way the next time. For instance, you might explore reading erotica together and find something that sparks your interest and decide to play it out.”

    Why you need to forget sexy lingerie if you want to seduce a man

    When it comes to how to seduce a man, you need to think about awakening all his senses first. “Great sex should be a multisensory experience so awakening all his senses will really help,” says Sammi. “Sure, treat yourself to some lingerie that makes you feel fantastic, but think about all the other senses, too.” 

    Need some extra inspiration? “You could dab on some new perfume or scented body lotion,” says Sammi. “Plus, go for soft lighting, pick out music that helps to get you both in the mood and swap out your usual bedsheets for something a bit more luxurious. The more senses you can delight, the better!” 

    Then, when you’ve successfully aroused all his senses so he’s putty in your hands, you need to try taking the stimulus away. “Withholding one of the senses, such as blindfolding a partner so he can’t see, will actually help activate the others,” recommends Megwyn.

    Getting out of your comfort zone helps with seduction

    Feel like you are stuck in a sex rut? “Being familiar with your partner and their body is both a blessing and a curse,” says Sammi. “It’s sometimes hard to feel like a sex goddess when you’re surrounded by reminders of everyday life, and it’s the same with our partners.” The solution? “Do things outside of your usual comfort zone and do them together,” says Sammi. “Whether it’s as simple as a night away in a different setting, it can be enough to renew the way you see each other.” You could even try just moving sex from the bedroom to the sofa.

    And while you are having that one night away? It might be a cliché, but pretending to be something you’re not, such as mysterious strangers, can be a seduction technique worth trying. “Lots of couples find role play an easy way to switch up their sexual routine. It helps you to see each other in different ways and free your inhibitions,” says Sammi. “The great thing about the ‘strangers meeting in a bar’ role-play situation is that it can help to recreate that fizz of excitement from when you first met.” Keen to give it a try? “Determine the story ahead of time and decide how the story will end,” recommends Megwyn. 

    Talking dirty can really help to seduce a man

    “Talking dirty is a great way to spice things up,” says Megwyn. Not sure where to start? Don’t worry, there is an easy trick! Simply think about the way your partner speaks and then copy it. “Consider if there are certain sexy words you’ve heard them say over others,” says Sammi. “Chances are, those are the ones that they’re most comfortable hearing and saying, so that’s a great jumping-off point.” 

    Feeling timid? Try dirty texting. “Not only does it take away the face-to-face fear, but it gives you time to think about what you want to say or do next,” says Sammi. “You could tell them about an X-rated dream you had about them.”

    And while this might sound a bit crazy, if you’re willing to give it a go then naming his genitals can actually help to seduce a man. “Try using a name that your partner prefers their genitals to be called,” says Megwyn. “It allows your partner a sense of ownership over their parts. Plus, it invites you to understand the specific way they want to experience their bodies in the moment.” 

    Just doing nothing can help with seduction

    Not feeling confident in your ability to seduce a man? Don’t worry. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. In fact, not putting on too much pressure can help. “Firstly, relax,” says Sammi. “It’s meant to be you and your partner having fun and, if you’re nervous, you won’t enjoy it as much. Besides, laughter is a great aphrodisiac.

    Then, put down your phone. “One of the sexiest things that you can do is make time for each other,” says Sammi. “When was the last time you paid proper attention to each other, without looking at your phones or other background distractions? Put aside some time, be it an hour, an evening or a weekend, and spend it reconnecting. You’d be surprised what a difference it can make.”

    Still not feeling confident? Humming can help. “All women are sexy, but not all women are comfortable in their skin,” says Megwyn. Sounds like you? Try using primal sounds to express your sexuality. “Humming or mmm-ing can act as a bridge to you using your own voice to self-stimulate through the resonance field of the body,” says Meg. “These sounds will naturally be felt in your sexual centre and feel exciting.”

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